Exhausted and frustrated …


I help care for my 84 year old mum in Grays. Mum had a stroke, lives in her own home, a council house and throughout this experience I am reporting here, my sister was ill and died.

Mum needed carers after her stroke and got a social worker. Dagenham and Barking Council social services put in carers (xxxxxxxxxx Care) but they weren’t looking after mum in the way they should. Their mannerisms weren’t good, one was on her i.pad all the time, they just generally were not doing things they should, such as giving her food she doesn’t necessarily want and not treating her as a person.

When my sister had cancer, and mum came back from the hospital after she had died, one of the carers said “oh just get over it”. I complained social services about the carers, the social worker did change the carers and we have better care now, brilliant called xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.  The original carers were not very nice to mum, and talked to her like she was a child.

Mum and we as a family are very confused about her Personal Budget for her care. We are exhausted and frustrated trying to find out about how it works and how much it is. No-one has explained it to us and mum now keeps getting invoices through for £900 and I keep asking for a statement and don’t get one and don’t understand what they think she owes this money for, we don’t think she does, but no-one is listening. Social services didn’t explain about it very well and just say to mum that if she doesn’t pay it “you will go to court”. What a thing to say to an old person, mum is frightened, we are paying it off bit by bit but not sure what it is.

The system of providing information and for responding to people’s concerns is rubbish and until you are in this situation you don’t know what it is like. Fighting to find out information, phone call after phone call. Old people are treated dreadful. DAB in Thurrock are beginning to help us, hopefully they will.  Mum was down the shops and saw a sign about DAB. Mum’s social worker has left and we can’t seem to find out who her social worker is now – we don’t know who it is and can’t seem to find out. Where do I go to find out about a social worker when no-one seems to be helping you?

We did get a wet room for mum, but it took a year. But at least we got this and a grab rail for the garden. But this was a joke, one was put up and they wouldn’t put up more than one even though mum needed this, so we had to go and buy them because it wasn’t safe, they said we could only have one.

Sometimes you just want someone to listen and understand and not feel like you are continuously banging your head against a brick wall trying to get information.


Things That Need Improving:

  1. Improvements the way Personal Budgets are explained.
  2. There needs to be a better system in place to find out about having a social worker.
  3. Shouldn't have to be guesswork to find information, there should be a better system of where to get information.





Date Experience Happened



Social Services